Why discovering your values is essential before setting goals.

To add meaning, purpose and happiness to your life, get clear on your values and make sure your actions are aligned with them.

Values are defined as how you want to behave, how you want to interact with and talk to others, how you want to treat others and yourself. Values are your hearts deepest desires and what matters most to you. They describe what you want to do and how you want to do it. They are not goals and they do not describe how you want to feel, there is a big difference.

In essence – your values are your true original self, your ego aside.

Your values tend to stay the same from when you are young into adulthood. However, as we get older, we tend to lose sight of them and we start acting and behaving according to our beliefs that we bring with us from our upbringing and according to other people’s expectations and wishes or even out of fear of being judged or ridiculed.

Goals are definite, short or long term accomplishments we want to reach and then “tick” off our list. When we set a goal that is not supported by our values, we are far more likely to experience stress, frustration, resentment and feeling unfulfilled in our lives.

To emphasise the difference, a value is the direction you wish to head into for the rest of your life, a goal is that one mountain top you are determined to climb. Studies have shown that those who are clear on their values, who know how they want to behave and interact, are far more likely to have a sense of purpose, meaning and passion in life.

To get clear on your values try the following exercise. (Keep in mind there are no right or wrong answers but be honest with yourself)

For each one of these four areas in your life (1) relationships, (2) health/personal growth, (3) family and (4) work/education, answer the following questions and write down the answer as that tends to create more clarity than just memorising the answers:

What sort of results do I want to see in this area? 

How do I want to behave in this area?

What sort of personal qualities do I want to cultivate in the area? (Who do I want to be?)

How would I treat others if I were at my personal best in this area? 

What skill or knowledge do I want to gather/bring to this area? 

What personal changes would I like to bring into this area?

Notice that the questions are always about you as you will never have any control over the way other people think, feel or behave. You can influence others, but the best way to do that is through your actions. Your actions will be most powerful and influential if they are strongly aligned with your values. When you are true to yourself and your actions aligned with your values, you bring a very powerful truth and meaning to any situation.

 Your goals will only bring you passion, purpose and meaning if they are based on your true values.

Answering the questions above will most likely bring out a familiar voice in your mind that wants to procrastinate, or that reminds you that you have tried this before without results, brings out a fear of failure or not having what it takes or tells you that you don’t know what you truly want. This is normal, simply thank your mind for thinking those thoughts and realise that they are only thoughts, not definite truths, thoughts that are designed to keep you "stuck" as your mind does not like change.

I encourage you to take some time to find your values, get clarity on what matters to you in your life, who you want to be and how you want to behave. In what area would you like to see rapid changes?

Then, with focused intent, practice one aspect of that new upgraded version of yourself every day for at least 2 weeks, I promise you, your goals will most likely change as a result and you will experience a new, powerful motivation, because you will become passionate about what you are working towards, you will increase your self esteem and decrease your level of anxiety and stress.

You see, it’s always more rewarding being who you were made to be in stead of being who someone else expects you to be or someone who simply fits in, but getting there takes practice, focus and a bit of courage.

4 ways to change your reality

The law of attraction is a concept that has been discussed and debated for a long time. Does it work? How does it work, why doesn’t it work for me, the way I anticipated?

In short, the law of attraction works constantly and precisely. We learned from studying chemistry as young children that like attracts like…that’s exactly how it works.

Every thought and experience we have creates a chemical reaction in our body. Did you know that it’s estimated that we think about 60.000 thoughts per day? Most of them we are repeating from the day before and the day before that.

Most of our thoughts are negative thoughts. This can be traced to the fact that thousands of years ago, we had to be careful, fearful and cautious as a species, danger was everywhere, it was literally eat or be eaten.

Today however, we have managed to avoid the every day danger with different circumstances, but we still tend to hold on to the fear in our minds! Watch out for them, don’t talk to strangers, protect your assets, your ego, I’m not enough etc…. you get the point.

Your reality is a symptom of your emotions, a projection of your thoughts. Not literally, but a projection of the energetic vibration of your emotions and your feelings….. like attracts like!

Thus, the way to change what you project would have to be to change what you think of…. So how does one do that?

1. What you focus on becomes real.

Learn how to focus by meditating, practicing mindfulness, reading using Albert Einstein’s concentration technique, sitting still, yoga, martial arts…the methods are endless. Find one that suits you and start practicing.

We drift in and out of focus around 6-10 times per minute. Even while reading these few paragraphs, your focus has probably drifted a few times. If you are not focused on what you want to see happen in your life most of the time….well guess what, chances are you won’t see it happen in the future unless you make a shift.

Personally I like Mindfulness meditation as I can do them anywhere, fully alert, awake and open to my experience at the time. If you prefer guided meditations, I recommend the stillness project by Tom Cronin.

2. Figure out what you are passionate about

What do you love doing? What makes you happy? Write it down as a list of 5-10 things and commit to doing at least one or two activities from your list daily for 2-3 weeks. When you focus on things that make you happy, chances are you will attract more circumstances into your life that have the potential to raise your permanent happiness bar.

I recommend reading The passion test by Janet Attwood, or simply going back to the time in your life when you seemed to be the happiest and write down what you were doing at the time.

3. Rewire your brain

By learning something new, you’re making new connections in your brain. By practicing what you learned for an extended period of time, you make those connections permanent. This is both good and bad news as you can just as easily create habits that are not improving your outcome or your personal growth. But after finding out what you are passionate about, what you wish to contribute towards, you can, with focused intent, create habits that help you reach your desired outcome.

How about focusing on the future you, the person you want to become? What will you be doing when you life is perfect? What will you look like? Who are you spending your time with? Where in the world are you? Get a clear sense of why you want to be that way and take some time every day to focus on that.

4. Learn to love yourself

For the above to really sink in and work for you, you need to get rid of your limiting beliefs about yourself. I’m serious about this. My whole style of coaching clients evolves around helping them lose the limiting beliefs they have about themselves, the “story” they have grown accustomed to telling, the identity they have identified with, the string of words that over the years have become beliefs. If they are not helping….your number one priority should be to exchange them for better, more loving and uplifting beliefs about yourself. Your subconscious rules! What sit’s in there is the ruler of your thoughts, emotions, feelings and yes…the symptoms you see in your life.

We are creatures of habit. If you want to change your outcome I recommend personal coaching above all else. It keeps you on track, accountable, focused and constantly moving forward. It doesn’t matter whether you are reaching for a specific goal or if you just want to finally get rid of your fear of spiders, personal coaching, as I do it, will find the right solution for you. We are all different as in what we are searching for, but deep down inside we are all the same. Learning to love yourself is the starting point to mastering the rest of your life.

For more information on how you can become the best version of yourself go to 

www.serenityEFT.com

Thinking about making a change? Find out what generates joy in your body.

Everything in your life is a symptom, not a cause.

What does that mean?

What you think about and focus on is what ends up showing up in your life. Are your thoughts focused on what you lack? Are they filled with fear and worry?

"I never have any money left at the end of the month"
"Why do things like these always happen to me"
"I don't enjoy my job"

It's been shown in studies that we learn the most when we are happy. This is how kids easily learn, through play, fun, excitement and joy. This is where your ideas are the most brilliant and clear and this is the energy you need to attract into your life the things you wish for.

As adults we tend to take the joy out of learning and every day experiences. Everything is so serious, we worry about money, work, health, friends, lovers etc. The majority of our time is spent focusing on the negative thoughts we carry and day by day we repeat 90% of the thoughts from the previous day.

For those who want to change what symptoms show up in their lives, a change of repeated thoughts, actions and emotions is needed. If you do not feel very joyous every day, change what you think of and focus on.

Lets say you are out of a job or not happy at your job and you want to change your work situation. Start by identifying how you currently think and feel about your work or lack of.

1. Mindfully observe

Using the principals of mindfulness, notice your work situation the way it presents itself today, with an open, clear, kind and curious attitude. No story, no judgement, no dwelling on the emotional upset that arises, just acknowledge what you experience.

Clearing out the resistance of what is, will lessen the amount of suffering you experience. The more you resist, the more you will suffer. "I'm out of a job" or "I hate how my boss ignores my suggestions" will turn into a sob story about what happens 6 months down the line if this situation does not change. Rather, looking at this from a clear, kind, open, honest point of view will help you maintain a clear mindset that is open to ideas and solutions.

2. Accept how you feel 

The moment you acknowledge that you are not content in your current situation, let go of the resistance. This will allow your mind to accept suggestions and ideas on how to change the situation. This also reduces your anxiety and fear, thus helping you reach a more balanced emotional response and helps you see the positive sides....this gives you a chance to change and more options to chose from on how to proceed.

3. "Brainstorm" using your heart

This means start listening to your body when it comes to listing what changes you would like to experience. Are you in the line of work you love, or would you rather do something completely different? In stead of using your mind, writing down what you "should" do according to whatever authority you look up to, be open to FEELING what you love to do. When we show courage and at least acknowledge that we are not entirely happy with our choices, we have taken the first step towards a more rewarding future.

4. Get inspired

If you are thinking about a big shift or change know that so many people before you have done what you are about to do. Read books, watch videos and inspirational movies. Anything is possible if you have the passion, clarity and focus to change something in your life. There is no need to reinvent the wheel, get some inspiration and even, help. Just make sure that the choices you make are according to your values, likes and dislikes, not someone else's.

5. Joy Joy Joy and Gratitude

Making a big change is often a result of a "train wreck" in you life. A big shift often follows a traumatic or in some way life altering experience, but... staying in that negative vibration, in that energy will not help you make the best decisions. With that mindset, our options are limited. Get joyful, find out what makes you happy, write a list of easy, fun things you can do every single day and commit to doing them. With that energy soaring through your body, inspiration comes easy and the right people, circumstances and opportunities will surface. Show gratefulness for every single little thing that shows up, in advance, during and after they occur.

What makes you joyful, grateful and inspired? Commit to raising your vibration to the energy of joy every day.

Are you a lightworker?

Have you ever felt like you are a lightworker? Someone who is here to help raise consciousness, awareness, or just in some way to help push humanity forward, into a new state of being? Do you feel like you are using your skill openly or do you feel like you are not living up to your own potential?

I do feel like this myself and it took me years to figure out what to do with that or how to be in the world. It wasn't until I felt that the burden was too heavy and I wanted to give up that I realised that I wasn't doing enough, I was feeling useless and like I had nothing to share.

I wanted to help, to share what I know and my experiences, to lift people up from depression, emotional trauma, emotional instability by sharing with them all the tools available that have helped me in my life, but since I didn't have a degree from a University, I couldn't get a job in a clinic, a hospital, a rehabilitation centre or in any other facility that works with people....due to a lack of a diploma.

I have 30 years experience with depression. Both with my own, treating my own depression and permanently curing it using EFT...on my own! In spite of that, I used the limiting belief I was holding on to, that I needed a degree from the University, to be able to help people, to stop me from doing my WORK. I am a lightworker and diploma or no diploma, my job here on this earth is to let my light shine.

This means that I had to let go of old limiting beliefs that kept me from working with people. Not doing my work pushed me into depression in the first place. Understanding that I am here with the purpose of learning to believe in myself enough to be able to let my light shine and help others has helped me to start to let go.

Fragments of this old belief still surface regularly and I challenge them one at a time. There is a reason for me having had the childhood that I had, that kept me from believing in myself. The reason is, I had to dig deep into my soul, recall my spirit and become present, focused and clear on my purpose, on what being a lightworker means, so that I could find the courage to do my WORK.

What is your challenge? What limiting beliefs do you have that are keeping you from doing what you were born to do, what you love to do....what, if you had the courage to admit it to yourself and others, you are innately good at...better than anyone else.

I

A short seminar on Mindfulness, confidence and emotional balance in San Luis de Sabinillas

The art of connecting with your true self and creating balance within


This Saturday, August 8th 2015 I will conduct a short introduction to Mindfulness  and the importance of understanding the link between your thoughts, your emotions and the results you are experiencing in your life.

The venue is inside the Cafeteria Miel on the Sabinillas beach walk from 10.00 am to 12.30 am with a short break.

Mindfulness is the art of meeting each situation in your life from the perception of acceptance and interest instead of resisting what is and experiencing stress.

The link between your thoughts, your emotions, your physical body and your experiences in life is stronger than you might realise. Learn to recognise the symptoms of negative thought patterns and how you can change them to get better results in your life.

I will introduce to you some very powerful exercises from my 11 month long therapy called  “Learn to love yourself” that you can use to change the way you think about yourself, to reprogram your subconscious mind so that you get more positive, clear and focused results in your life. Bring pen and paper!

My wish is that this short introduction can be the catalyst for like-minded individuals in the area to come together regularly to discuss personal development, thoughts and emotions from a new more empowering perspective.

Please note that there is limited space available, PM me to sign up before Friday 7th. I will offer you to bring questions (anonymous) to the meeting that I will do my best to answer within the group.

Cost is only 20€ pp attending. Participants will get additional information from me regularly via email after attending and a chance to participate in my therapy individually (via skype) at a discounted price. 

(Over 1200 individuals have already dramatically changed the quality of their life by participating in the therapy “ Learn to love yourself ”).

Helga Jensdóttir
Awareness Coach / EFT Practitioner
www.serenityEFT.com
660556213

How can I learn to love?...reflecting on love, guilt, energy and vibration.

As a coach, I get a lot of questions from my clients who want to expand their awareness and ability to love unconditionally. How can I learn to love “this” or “that” about myself? How can I love someone who has hurt me? How can I love people who do horrible things to others? How can I learn to love unconditionally? The world is such a horrible place, they might say, how is it possible to love everyone and everything?

There is a big difference between loving someone and supporting their behavior. You will always love your child, but you will not allow them to physically hurt you. This is where many get stuck, because their reason for holding back love is almost always connected with a behavior that someone has demonstrated in the past.

It’s also sometimes confusing to see the difference between love and forgiveness. You can love your child, husband etc, but you might not be able to forgive them for what they did that has hurt you. This creates a conflict within people because we are innately programmed to be unconditional love.

When I talk about these things with my clients, we always end up focusing on them, not the doer or the other person, but my client. Because the emotional vibration they are sending out to the Universe, determines their reaction to their environment.

Think about this for a minute. Your environment presents you with a scenario. Afterwards, you, the person standing next to you and a third person unknown to you are asked to describe the scenario. You will all have different stories to tell, based on your background, beliefs and emotional wellbeing.

So how does this relate to my topic, unconditional love?

The energetic vibration that you emit from your being is based on your thought pattern, your subconscious mind, your emotions, your cellular memory, your ”programming” if you will. Dr. David R. Hawkins, describes in his book, Power vs Force, the energetic scale of human emotion. The lowest of all the energies we can emit are shame, guilt, fear and the like.  Unconditional love however, sits at the very top of the scale, up there with joy, peace and enlightenment.

What most people fail to recognize is that we are responsible for the energy that we “put out there” all of the time because that energy will influence other people. A person who is contemplating committing a crime, will “get permission” to do so if there are enough low vibrational frequencies around! Those frequencies come from the rest of us….

So imagine the difference in your experiences and your reactions to your environment when you are emitting such high vibrations from your being rather than low vibrations such as shame and guilt. When you start clearing out your subconscious mind from guilt, shame, anger and fear, and you replace your limiting beliefs with optimism, love, happiness, understanding and forgiveness to name a few, the energy from you will differ tremendously and you will have done your part in eliminating violence, crime and negative behavior on a much larger, worldly scale than you can imagine. This will in turn, give more people the “permission” to raise their vibration as well and give them more opportunities to show positive acts of love and kindness to another.

How can you start loving yourself? It’s first and foremost a decision you make. Then you will most likely have to change some of your thoughts, subconscious beliefs and actions or let go of old grief, shame, memories and heartache. For this I use Emotional Freedom Techniques, mindfulness and talk therapy with my clients, but there are countless of other methods that also work very well. In the talk therapy I explain how your experiences in the past are affecting you today. You will understand why certain things keep appearing in your life. The focus is on you and how to change your experiences.

The more we are able to clear from our subconscious mind and programming, the more love we start feeling towards ourselves. The more love we feel towards ourselves the more love we feel towards others. The more we feel towards others the more we are contributing towards love, peace and kindness in this world.

I believe it’s our purpose here to remember that we are beings of unconditional love. We will learn to love ourselves as well as others. We are all connected and we must learn to be responsible for the energetic vibration we allow ourselves to contribute to the whole.

Namaste

Too read about my 11 month long programme “Learn to love yourself” see

http://www.serenityEFT.com

Can you relate to this story?

Have you ever felt the way I am about to describe here? If so, my 12 session coaching program might be just right for you.

It was early in the summer of the year 2000. I was in my beautiful home, finishing my 12 months of maternity leave and it was soon time to go back to work. I had everything, the dream house, a wonderful husband, good job, good enough income to comfortably get by, the ability to travel, two cars in the drive way and this new beautiful, wonderful, perfect baby. Yet, I was severely unhappy, depressed and absolutely disconnected from myself, from my emotions and my dreams. I looked at my beautiful son and realised that even this miracle was not giving me any joy at all, I felt as if nothing was worth living for, I had no desire to do anything, go anywhere, be around anyone or to carry on living in this useless, depressing place I was in. I did not feel as if I had a purpose, a plan and now I had to go back to a job I did not really feel like staying in, yet I had no other education and didn’t feel as if I had a choice. I felt as if my world was shattered and I felt like giving up.

All of a sudden it hit me like a lightning, life is not supposed to be this difficult, it just cannot be. What is the purpose of all of this, how am I supposed to carry on feeling like this? I imagined myself 5 years into the future and I got even worse. Yet, I didn’t have the resources, I didn’t know where to turn for help or inspiration to change and I didn’t even feel as if there was anything to do that would help me feel any better. I felt alone, desperate and I cried uncontrollably.

I finally realised that I had developed a full, severe case of clinical depression. My thoughts had become habitually negative and my focus was on pain and suffering. I realised, I had to do something. I started seeing psychologists, counsellors, psychotherapists and I ended up taking medication upon medication to try to get better. You name the pill, I took it, I took them all. Nothing seemed to work well enough. Eventually I lost my job due to this situation, I was just not coping very well.

I understood that I had to take matters into my own hands. I started reading books on personal growth, spiritual growth and mental thought patterns. I read books by neuroscientists, doctors, quantum physicists, thought leaders, coaches and trainers from all over the world. I watched movies, attended seminars, learned and used EFT (Meridian Tapping) and I started to systematically change the way I used to think and feel. I eventually got the courage to move from one country to another, a long forgotten dream I had carried for years. That shift allowed me to see things more clearly and I started this never-ending, magical transformational journey I have been on ever since. What I realised was the I had been stifling my innate abilities, my inner gifts, my real identity and my courage for all those years.

I didn’t just clear my clinical depression of 20 years and shift my whole perspective on why I am having this experience in this world, but I gained a sense of immense gratitude, inspiration and motivation to share what I have learned, to help others shift the way they think and feel about themselves in this world and to empower them to step into their power and become the best version of themselves - NOW.

I have the understanding that there is a shift in consciousness going on in the world and we are all participants in this shift. I have the vision that together we can, one person at a time, raise our vibrational frequency and thus influence the rest of the world with our heightened sense of unity, connection, passion, love and care for ourselves and for each other. By allowing ourselves to remain unconscious, feeling low, focusing on negative thoughts and emotions, believing that we are not worth it, not good enough, I believe that we contribute to the negativity and the cruelty that we are experiencing in the world. We need to shift our focus and emotions.

To help you do this I teach a transformational 12 week coaching program developed my good friend and fellow coach, Guðbjörg Ósk Friðriksdóttir (www.osk.is).  This program has up until now only been taught by her,  but it has already inspired over 1500 individuals in the last few years to totally transform their life. It teaches you how to systematically change your thoughts and ideas that you have about yourself and your abilities and how you think, feel, react and respond to your environment. It will give you a sense of clarity and understanding, it will help you understand you innate gifts and abilities and it will give you the courage to change.

The program is called Learn to love yourself and it consists of 12 x 90 minute skype sessions, homework assignments and tools for transformation. To learn more, sign up, or to ask me a question, go to www.serenityeft.com.